She made a decision to cross the finishing line in the marathon
that she's been running for the past 7 yrs or so
come November 09.


It'd have been 9 years.
A very long time to run.


Hand in hand,
they've finally triumphed against all odds.


But as the victory parade draws near,
as she looks up as the podium that she's gonna step up to
to receive her medal,
she cringes.


That medal,
that circular ring that's gonna go around her neck,

Will it bind?
Will it cut?


She looks to her friends at the audience seat,
hoping for reassurance,
but her friends,
they merely smile.


Nodding,
nodding their heads,
they flashed her megawatt smiles.
Because to them,
winning is something they want for her.


Winning is happiness,
is it not?


A final end to that never-ending marathon.
A conclusion to that never-ending battle.


Finally,
they think,
she can take a rest,
finally she can rest on her laurels
and just breathe.


Close her eyes,
and take that nap that she's been longing for,
but never had the opportunity to.


Perhaps her friends,
with their kind intentions
and simple wishes,
just don't know the kind of reassurance that she's seeking from them.


The support to surrender to victory,
Or the support to triump over giving in to that supposed victory?


They don't,
and I suppose they never will.

And maybe,
just maybe,
she herself doesn't as well.


I guess sometimes,
when one has fought so hard and for too long,
it just becomes part of life to keep fighting.


And after all's been said and done,
and u've reached that illusive peak of that insurmountable mountain,
when victory is finally urs,
u'd strangely find a sense of loss
inhabiting that exact same void that used to be filled with the passion to keep going.


A sense of loss because suddenly,
there's nothing left for u to fight for,
and suddenly,
u dun remember what u've been fighting for anymore.


No,
u do know the reason that drove u thus far,
it's just that on hindsight,
that reason itself just seems so small,
so insignificant that u refuse to believe that u actually went all the way for such a thing.
And somewhere along the way,
that reason just disappeared,
and slowly,
gradually,
u're just fightin
to fight.


Durkheim talked about anomie.
That state of pandemonia,
of normlessness.
It's a vacuum,
a vacuum that's pregnant with chaos.


And it's anomic where u are.
It's a state I'll never know.
And even if I do,
I'd never know that exact situation that u're currently trapped in.

All I can ever hope for u
is to find that new lease that governs ur world.

To break from that bubble and emerge forth and stand tall,
just like the girl I've always known u to be.


Maybe,
just maybe,
stop for awhile,
just close ur eyes and look back,
go back to the time when it all started.

When flowers were more than mere red roses.
When dinners were more than just dinners,
When a smile says so much more than words can,

u may just discover again,
the reason why u were willing to brave the storms that u did.