Mr Tan,
Singapore's risin poet says
远看花红红，
近看花有虫.

So I spent a fabulous night with gorgeous galpal,
2 so-so Singaporean men,
and a horde of hot Europeans last night

watching soccer at grapevine.

Or rather,
watchin the horde of said European men runnin after a god damn ball,
wishin it was me.

Imagine havin Cristiano try his damnest to push past 2 (or was it 3?) hugeass black men,
just tryin to get to me.

Imagine havin the young n gentlemanly Fabregas eyeing me with such intensity in his eyes.

And just imagine havin such close contact with my man, Torres.

*sighs*

Tt reminds me,
I've yet to put a collect call to him to ask him to cut his hair.
Can't stand it,
it's longer than mine le loh!!!!

*slaps self 2 times wake up wake up*

So Anyway,
amidst the lectures and ridiculous stares
tt galpal n I commanded from the 2 ill-mannered Singaporean men
whenever we opened our mouths to comment abt the match,
gorgeous galpal and I surprisingly found verification for her very famous theory.

U see,
besides urs truly who has a penchant for sprouting creative,
unthinkable theories,
she is blessed wit the gr8 fortune of havin a gorgeous galpal
who shares her lil hobby.

Sometime ago,
during our lil afternoon chat while havin our lil afternoon "high tea",
we were discussin abt boys (what else?) and height compatibility.

I remember my gorgeous galpal havin a thing for men above the height of 1.8m.
I remember myself doing stupid things for a guy ard tt height some 6 or 7 yrs ago.
And I remember our very almost-uncontrollable desire
to matchmake our very pollypocket fren with a Yao Ming-type ex-colleague.
And we are all very small-sized.

So it struck me,
what inconvenience tt wld pose.

Just imagine,
both of u are at ur void deck,
and he has just seen u safely home.
Underneath the romantic moonlight,
he smiled a mesmerizing smile to u.
And at that moment,
u jus knew tt he was going to kiss u,
n u want it too.

Just as ur eyes fluttered close in sweet anticipation,
he uttered, "Kanasai!" with a hand pressed to his sprained back.

Looks like u were too short for him to bend down to.

So u went on ur nxt date,
the romance was in the air again.
This time,
u raised on ur toes and closed ur eyes,
u pucker ur lips and reached skyward.

Keep reaching,
keep reaching,
keep reaching...

Nothing.

Ur alrdy at the tip of ur tip-toes,
U opened ur eyes to steal a peek at how much farther apart u both r,
only to see his eyes closed,
one complete foot away.

U know ur ill-destined lips can never meet.

So the nxt time,
U actually came prepared.

The stars came out just for u.
And it was just the two of u,
yet again.

Ur eyes meet and u knew it was the right moment.
He closes his eyes,
and begin bending down...
and u shout,

"Wait ah!!!Wait wait wait!!"

ran out of his arms,
returnin 5 min later,
wit ur hair plastered all over ur face,
oily and sadako-like.

U look at him in triumph,
opened up the tool in ur hands,
set it up,

"Now got ladder,
we can finally kiss!!!"

It wld've been such a turn-off!!!
And so doomed.

But galpal didn't think so,
bless her creative mind.
She actually proposed an alternative solution based on her theorem.

I call it Mu's theorem of horizontal analysis.

According to her,
the above scenario wld never happen bcos
"躺下来，都一样!!!" (Lie down everybody is the same one la!!)

And yes,
the theory was verified by a certain Mr Teo last night.

VERBALLY VERIFIED I MEAN.

U haf no idea how relief I was to hear tt.
Now we can stop curbin our urge to "intro" our pollypocket fren
to our other yao-ming-type fren.

Woohoo!!!

And aren't I glad for the threat tt coerced me out of my marketin meditation last night.
I so need a break.

And I,
读得头痛痛！！