It's been more than 2 weeks since I joined the unemployment stats.
Sometimes I wonder if all this waiting is worthwhile.

Then again, I think of what I have to lose versus what I've to gain potentially,
and I think,

I should just go on waiting.

Besides, this gives me more excuses to watch more online dramas, cartoons, and finish that god-damn book I've been reading.

Reading.
That's an old-time pleasure I realised I've been missing for sometime now.
I recall my difficulty when completing some of the employment application forms,
especially those that requires me to state my hobbies.
Or you know, some interviewers would actually ask "what do u do in ur free time"

And I realised, since I've started working, free time is something I never had anymore.
Emails, new MAS guidelines, prospectus, annual reports, deadlines,
are all I've been reading and worrying about.
I stopped running, I stopped swimming, I stopped reading.

It felt like the only past time I've had was eating.

Although life is lacking some of its necessary meaning and pressure for me now,
I'm honestly enjoying myself.

I do feel rotten sometimes, that I'm doing nothing
except diminishing the figures in my bank account,
but then, at the end of the day,

I know that I'll be fine.

I know that I'm waiting for something worthwhile.
And even if that something fails to materialise and I'm disappointed in the end,
it's alright.

Because I know that I've done all that I can.
No regrets.

Most people do not realise it,
but regrets are often more painful than failures to deal with.

With failure, the only course of action is to pick yourself up and move on.
But with regrets, come the baggage of wondering, of not knowing,
of beating urself up with the "could have beens"

Last weekend, I had tea with a bunch of friends I've not met for a long time.
While we updated one another with our lives,
a friend shared that he's applied for a flat with his partner.

That friend of mine,
he's a special one.
Incredibly down to earth, simple, good guy, dependable, with a sense of humour.
A perfect family man who can be trusted to be a good husband and father.
Someone who always makes plans, has plans,
and is determined to stick it out to achieve his desired goals.
I suppose, he's every woman's dream to walk into the sunset with.
Sadly, most women don't realise such men are that rare
until after having lived a few years more,
met a few assholes more.
And when she finally realises what a gem she has thrown away,
it's often too late.

You know what they say about timing, about the moment,
it's true.
There's only one chance when it comes to the important things in life.
U slam the door in its face and all u'll get to live with is the bitterness of regret.

So I'll wait.
It might seem like I'm putting my life on hold and wasting precious time,
but I see it as only putting one aspect of my life on hold.
Career is important, but so are the other aspects of my life,
which I'm takin this time to catch up on.

It's really not that bad afterall.

And she asked,
" Did it cross your mind that if things were different,
it could've been u who's waiting for that flat with him today?"