Stress is really eating my already minuscule brain bit by painful bit.
It's taking its perverse pleasure chewing,
nibbling,
occasionally spitting out the clumps of furball,
occasionally gagging on the mouthful of air
and happily
prolonging my endless suffering.

Sometimes it really gets so bad.

And this time,
I really think I've reached another level of attainment.

Two Saturdays ago I was actually on the very "multi-purpose" 105
on the way to meet up with my chachambo.
And I popped a tiny red pill before leaving the house in a bid to control
the very rebellious nose that stubbornly refuses to stop running.

Wat a big mistake.

The last thing I remembered seeing before I dozed off was the Australian school
en route to Braddell Road where my very missed provider currently resides.
(let's hope she has a better shelter for me come 30 yrs later)

For a long moment I slept,
weaving in and out of sweet dreams (that I shall not disclose or elaborate on this blog),
when suddenly,
I felt someone tapping my left arm.

Relunctantly I opened my eyes
and with much effort turned my head to look at the unfamiliar guy sitting beside me.

I saw his mouth moving,
moving.
It was moving.
And somewhere in my drugged brain I knew that he was saying something to me.
But somehow,
the words just don't seem to register in my mind.

So just like any normal person would do,
I looked around at my surroundings,
unconsciously trying to find cues of what he was tryin to convey.

My eyes fell upon the bus stop.

Yes, that bus stop opposite Trellis Towers.
The one near our dear ex-director of tou tou mo mo pte ltd.
That one that I always alight at to transit to 151 / 154 to school.

Ah hah!!
This young man must have been so kind to wake me up for fear that I would miss my stop!!!

And very unfortunately,
that was the very first thought that occurred to me.
And very unfortunately,
those were the very first words that came out of my mouth,

"I'm not going to school today."

"huh?"

What a sweet idiot, he hasn't registered what I said

So with a smile,
I repeated myself

"I said, I'm not going to school today"

and I began to turn my body to a more comfortable position to resume my nap.

"No! No! NO!! Bus conductor! Check ticket!!!"

-_-!!!

So yes,
I made an external attribution and blamed it on that horrid thing called stress.

I insist on sticking to my belief that despite all the empirical evidence against me,
I'm really,
honestly,
a really smart person.

Besides,
Boss says that there's this theory that the portrayed "us" in life,
is most oftenly
incongruent with the
REAL us.

If u,
yeah u,
readers do drop by,
kindly help do some housekeeping and blow away some of the dust
and cobwebs.
I'll probably be on a long hiatus till 27th May
when I'll do some updates on The Sanctuary and catch up on a bday post for my dear dewy.
Until then, take care of urselves
and have lotsa water in this dreadful weather.

*fairyinagoldfishbowl jumps off the precipice*

She made a decision to cross the finishing line in the marathon
that she's been running for the past 7 yrs or so
come November 09.


It'd have been 9 years.
A very long time to run.


Hand in hand,
they've finally triumphed against all odds.


But as the victory parade draws near,
as she looks up as the podium that she's gonna step up to
to receive her medal,
she cringes.


That medal,
that circular ring that's gonna go around her neck,

Will it bind?
Will it cut?


She looks to her friends at the audience seat,
hoping for reassurance,
but her friends,
they merely smile.


Nodding,
nodding their heads,
they flashed her megawatt smiles.
Because to them,
winning is something they want for her.


Winning is happiness,
is it not?


A final end to that never-ending marathon.
A conclusion to that never-ending battle.


Finally,
they think,
she can take a rest,
finally she can rest on her laurels
and just breathe.


Close her eyes,
and take that nap that she's been longing for,
but never had the opportunity to.


Perhaps her friends,
with their kind intentions
and simple wishes,
just don't know the kind of reassurance that she's seeking from them.


The support to surrender to victory,
Or the support to triump over giving in to that supposed victory?


They don't,
and I suppose they never will.

And maybe,
just maybe,
she herself doesn't as well.


I guess sometimes,
when one has fought so hard and for too long,
it just becomes part of life to keep fighting.


And after all's been said and done,
and u've reached that illusive peak of that insurmountable mountain,
when victory is finally urs,
u'd strangely find a sense of loss
inhabiting that exact same void that used to be filled with the passion to keep going.


A sense of loss because suddenly,
there's nothing left for u to fight for,
and suddenly,
u dun remember what u've been fighting for anymore.


No,
u do know the reason that drove u thus far,
it's just that on hindsight,
that reason itself just seems so small,
so insignificant that u refuse to believe that u actually went all the way for such a thing.
And somewhere along the way,
that reason just disappeared,
and slowly,
gradually,
u're just fightin
to fight.


Durkheim talked about anomie.
That state of pandemonia,
of normlessness.
It's a vacuum,
a vacuum that's pregnant with chaos.


And it's anomic where u are.
It's a state I'll never know.
And even if I do,
I'd never know that exact situation that u're currently trapped in.

All I can ever hope for u
is to find that new lease that governs ur world.

To break from that bubble and emerge forth and stand tall,
just like the girl I've always known u to be.


Maybe,
just maybe,
stop for awhile,
just close ur eyes and look back,
go back to the time when it all started.

When flowers were more than mere red roses.
When dinners were more than just dinners,
When a smile says so much more than words can,

u may just discover again,
the reason why u were willing to brave the storms that u did.

Mr Tan,
Singapore's risin poet says
远看花红红，
近看花有虫.

So I spent a fabulous night with gorgeous galpal,
2 so-so Singaporean men,
and a horde of hot Europeans last night

watching soccer at grapevine.

Or rather,
watchin the horde of said European men runnin after a god damn ball,
wishin it was me.

Imagine havin Cristiano try his damnest to push past 2 (or was it 3?) hugeass black men,
just tryin to get to me.

Imagine havin the young n gentlemanly Fabregas eyeing me with such intensity in his eyes.

And just imagine havin such close contact with my man, Torres.

*sighs*

Tt reminds me,
I've yet to put a collect call to him to ask him to cut his hair.
Can't stand it,
it's longer than mine le loh!!!!

*slaps self 2 times wake up wake up*

So Anyway,
amidst the lectures and ridiculous stares
tt galpal n I commanded from the 2 ill-mannered Singaporean men
whenever we opened our mouths to comment abt the match,
gorgeous galpal and I surprisingly found verification for her very famous theory.

U see,
besides urs truly who has a penchant for sprouting creative,
unthinkable theories,
she is blessed wit the gr8 fortune of havin a gorgeous galpal
who shares her lil hobby.

Sometime ago,
during our lil afternoon chat while havin our lil afternoon "high tea",
we were discussin abt boys (what else?) and height compatibility.

I remember my gorgeous galpal havin a thing for men above the height of 1.8m.
I remember myself doing stupid things for a guy ard tt height some 6 or 7 yrs ago.
And I remember our very almost-uncontrollable desire
to matchmake our very pollypocket fren with a Yao Ming-type ex-colleague.
And we are all very small-sized.

So it struck me,
what inconvenience tt wld pose.

Just imagine,
both of u are at ur void deck,
and he has just seen u safely home.
Underneath the romantic moonlight,
he smiled a mesmerizing smile to u.
And at that moment,
u jus knew tt he was going to kiss u,
n u want it too.

Just as ur eyes fluttered close in sweet anticipation,
he uttered, "Kanasai!" with a hand pressed to his sprained back.

Looks like u were too short for him to bend down to.

So u went on ur nxt date,
the romance was in the air again.
This time,
u raised on ur toes and closed ur eyes,
u pucker ur lips and reached skyward.

Keep reaching,
keep reaching,
keep reaching...

Nothing.

Ur alrdy at the tip of ur tip-toes,
U opened ur eyes to steal a peek at how much farther apart u both r,
only to see his eyes closed,
one complete foot away.

U know ur ill-destined lips can never meet.

So the nxt time,
U actually came prepared.

The stars came out just for u.
And it was just the two of u,
yet again.

Ur eyes meet and u knew it was the right moment.
He closes his eyes,
and begin bending down...
and u shout,

"Wait ah!!!Wait wait wait!!"

ran out of his arms,
returnin 5 min later,
wit ur hair plastered all over ur face,
oily and sadako-like.

U look at him in triumph,
opened up the tool in ur hands,
set it up,

"Now got ladder,
we can finally kiss!!!"

It wld've been such a turn-off!!!
And so doomed.

But galpal didn't think so,
bless her creative mind.
She actually proposed an alternative solution based on her theorem.

I call it Mu's theorem of horizontal analysis.

According to her,
the above scenario wld never happen bcos
"躺下来，都一样!!!" (Lie down everybody is the same one la!!)

And yes,
the theory was verified by a certain Mr Teo last night.

VERBALLY VERIFIED I MEAN.

U haf no idea how relief I was to hear tt.
Now we can stop curbin our urge to "intro" our pollypocket fren
to our other yao-ming-type fren.

Woohoo!!!

And aren't I glad for the threat tt coerced me out of my marketin meditation last night.
I so need a break.

And I,
读得头痛痛！！

Mummy says I shd drink more milk.

I was merely taking her advice.

U see,
all the hours of mugging and dealing with stress has led to some weight loss.

Therefore,
I had to take a break.

Aiya,
must put back what's lost mah!!!

So we hopped down to Plaza Parkroyal hotel last Thursday
with the gang from our beloved organisation.

Yeah,
u noe which one.

The one which suffered from a power failure today :X

Of cos we ate more than that.
And I'm pretty sure the weight gain exceeded the loss...

But fret not!!!!
Remember my famous theory tt u don't get fat if u didn't pay for the food!!!

Heng ah!!!!

Spot the REAL PSP!!!!
This is wat I call camouflage.
00 shd learn from PSP,
seriously.

So what if she's got 50% of the technician team panting after her?
学着点！！！

U've heard of the story of Cinderella I'm sure.
And u all know how beautiful it all is before the clock strikes 12

And then,
After Midnight!!!!!!!

I suppose I've been really lucky in all the jobs that I've dabbled in.
So lucky I wonder when Karma's gonna catch up with me
for all the mean things that came out of my mouth,
and for all the evil thought bubbles that I've been carrying above my head.

The jobs sure don't pay big bucks,
but the real remuneration comes in the form of the people I meet.

From the world's local bank,
I've got the good fortune to know the Young-At-Heart.

From our local Telco's Fat Green Pipe,
I've got to know DA SEASONS.

And from Shaking Legs,
these wonderful people who make the lousy bureaucracy tolerable.

Good times never last.
I'm not ashamed to admit tt I'm sad tt it's gonna end eventually.
Especially so when the end is looming just around the corner.

It may be immature of me to be feeling so.
Afterall,
job switching,
colleagues leaving
they are all part and parcel of life.
I should know better since
I've experienced many such partings myself.

But the thing is,
as far as I remember,
I'm always the one who left.

I guess it's true then,
what they say about the ones being left behind finding it the hardest to cope.

Probably because unlike the ones who leave,
the ones who got left behind really have nothing to look forward to.

And I try,
very hard
not to depress myself thinkin abt workin on
when the graduating students leave to pursue the nxt chapter of their lives.

Starting now,
I'll focus on enjoyin each and every single moment that I have within this warm cocoon
until its time for me to fly.

Even so,
I guess I'm still BLESSED.
Cos I still have Ms Ang!!!!!

Looks like Karma's gonna run faster to catch me!!!

That reminds me,
it's been TOO long since I've gone running.
Better start runnin again before I lose my stamina
and give Karma an advantage.....

Last but not least,
a happy pic to end off this suddenly-gone-emo-entry on a cheery note.

It'll be my turn nxt yr!!!
Everyone get ready to eat Chomp Chomp k?

No air-con,
don't like ah?

Kopitiam?
Banquet?

k la k la,
don't say I stingy
We eat Food Republic k.

Everytime I blog,
I tell myself tt it's gonna b the last time I'm bloggin
until after the sickenin exams r over.

I don't know y I just never give up lying to myself.

I was very high the other day as we made our way out of the canteen of Chinese High,
and back to Management Hse.
I insisted tt it was the food,
the after-effects of lunch.

But secretly I think it's the lil boys runnin ard in shorts that does the trick :X

Or maybe,
it's just exam stress catchin up on me.

And last Saturday,
as usual,
we spent the hours after shakin legs,
shakin more legs at the HK cafe at Novena wit the dedicated svc officers,
0 0 , the girl who can't tell flirting from socialising,
PSP, the girl who dreams of owning a 24K golden tortoise
Zee, the girl who thinks tt I'm funny again,
Dew, the girl who was traumatised by the thot of havin CHAP CHAI PENG 4 lunch
and a Mr Shen whom our 00 thinks kept lookin at me.

Even as we were feeding our tortured stomachs,
we never drifted away from the larger society.

We were paying ALOT of attention to current affairs ok,
and through this lunch,
we all benefited from the knowledge tt

Filipinos will eat less rice frm tt day onwards in order to save national budget.

As reported from Channel News Asia.

I kid u not.

What a way to mobilise the entire nation into dieting!!
Rock on,
Philippines!!!!!!