D= Domineering
I= Influencing
S= Steady (I personally call them the Slackers)
C= Conscientious

I was sharing a little of how my two days workshop went, with dear ewe earlier today.
And she told me "Profiling is not good eh. It gets pple stuck"

Dear Ewe, it's the mindset that gets pple stuck.
Profiling is just a tool.
It's how u use it.

If u use tt to classify pple, and interact in the best way possible with pple,
wouldn't tt help in human relations with the person involved?

If u know about ur own profile, ur own limitations and strengths,
wouldn't tt help to improve ur behaviours?

And if u know about urself and others,
wouldn't leveraging on each others' strengths help in achieving success?

The workshop was over, and it's time to sit down for some reflection.
I didn't get a chance to do a detailed debrief with Ryan and Sheena on Tuesday cos well, Bird, had to rush off, and I felt uncomfortable without her.

I noticed tt.

And it bothers me.

It bothers me that I'm too risk-assessing.
I don't take enough risks in life and sometimes, in doing so, I've missed out on alot of things.
In doing so, I've also set myself up for failure and devastation, so to speak.

What happened on Mon was that, I felt as though I did a terrible job.
The Cs are not moving, and my group was not responding,
and I took it upon myself tt I was a rotten facilitator.
I felt so rotten, and yeah, I beat myself up so bad, I cldn't function,
I left the room.

What really happened was that they are Cs. Cs are like that.
They do not move.
They do not respond.
Cos well, it's a risk to them.
And what I did, I engaged in self-criticism.

Because I fear criticism,
I self-criticised.
In this way, the goodie I get,
is reassurance, compliments, absolution.
I give myself the worst shit so that others will not.
And in doing that, I pulled down my own confidence and morale.

What I could have done,
is well, practise what I preached.
Adopt a more "I" or "D" approach when the situation calls for it,
catch myself whenever I lapse into C-mode.

Take more risks.
I spent quite some time thinking of why I only became more "D" and "I" in the 2nd day.

Day 2 we combined groups, and I had Fauzi with me.
In a way, I felt that things cldn't get worst with Fauzi ard.
I can just go ahead and take a risk,
plunge head first into new ideas and get the hell out of my comfort zone,
cos, if things go wrong, Fauzi can pick up the pieces after me : x

And also, I realised that what held me back from adopting a "D" behaviour was that I was struggling between my "C" and "I" element.
I want the task completed,
but at the same time,
I do not want to push too hard and be rejected.
It's a struggle between pple and task, for me.
I could have sat down and calmly prioritise what I want to create.

I could have taken grounding more seriously.

3 actions I will take for the 2-day workshop next week
1) Think carefully about what I want to create, and stick with my declaration.
2) Be more aware of my own experience. Self facilitation is the best facilitation.
3) Take a risk and just go with my guts. Over-analysis can go kiss my ass.

Alright!! Debrief done. Case filed and closed :)

Kids say the darnest things.

"How old are u? 23?"
Wat, r u blind?

"When u grow up, u'll haf lots of boys after u"
Ermm...thanks, I'll surely appreciate the attention when I'm 89 and breathing my last.

"Winnie the pooh"
Oh,the yellow-not- sure-whether-it's-guy-or-girl-bear with the big tummy? Very flattering.

*points at toadeater no. 1* "U guys are together right?"
Yeah, sure. I love toads. To death.

"Ur socks are nice!!Got doggie prints!!" and everyone starts crowding nearer to look.
Well...*smiles modestly* I know I have good taste.

And Jas dear, please, take ur Mr I in hand.

"U know wat's the latest rumour spreading ard now?" * he sniggers*

Yes, I do damn well know, thank u very much, slug-chewing-attention-seeker.

And boys do the stupidest things.

What, is it really tt fun taking off my shoes and running ard with them?

Had I known they love stinky shoes so much,
I would have brought my old sneakers for them to lunch with.

I'm sure their apetites would've been vastly improved :)

Secondary 2 kids...
One really admire the way their minds work.

One track.

The boys are only thinking about sex,
and the girls, are only thinkin about boys.

I wonder which is worst.

This is why Sab loves him.
And this is why I'm so crazy about him.



And THIS

is why I'm crazy about YouTube.

The pen flew across the page,
guided by the ceaseless thoughts and words rushing through my mind
I scribbled furiously.

Afraid to pause,
to stop for even a moment as I understood how delicate those thoughts are,
how easy it is to lose the train of thought.

Pleased with the most satisfied piece of work yet,
I cleared my throat.

"Jerald, can u stop what ur doing for a moment?"

The cute boy pushed his specs up his nose,
obediently closed his book
and scooted closer to me.

I went through his essay.

He wrote a rather satisfactory story on a group of friends who went ski-ing in the mountains
and had the misfortune of running into an avalanche.

Careful of the boy's pride,
I was very diplomatic.

I praised him endlessly and was extremely encouraging.

Well, he certainly deserves it,

from writting compos that made my eyes pop out,
puke blood
and froth at the mouth,
he has progressed to writting essays that....

shall we say.... kept me feeling resonably healthy.

Now,
the only problem that I'm having with his work
is his last paragragh.

Clinical.
Sterile.

So after going through his compo,
I asked him to re-read his ending,
and compare it to mine.

I racked my brains,
I mean, who would have thought that teaching compos could be so hard?
I was trying to out it across to him how important a good ending is
as it can make all the difference leaving a wonderful impression
and most importantly,

it can make the marker forget whatever horror he had read earlier on.

"So?" I asked him, "what's the difference between urs and mine?Besides me being more long-winded?"
(okok, I tried to joke with him)

He was silent, with an intense frown creasing his forehead.

I waited.

"How about comparing ur thoughts, feelings after reading urs, and mine?" I prompted.

Silence.
Plus he was frowning so hard, I was beginning to worry.

"Ok, how do you feel, or wat goes thru ur head after u read urs?"

"Nothing."

"uh-huh.Nothing right?"

He nodded.

"Great, now compare, wat about after u read mine?"

I held my breath.
I was ready to jump in and put my point across about how emotionally packed my ending was,
how intense,
and compare the feelings evoked.

Ok...I'm a narcissist, so sue me!

He was silent for a long time again.

"Anything?Even if u felt that it was boring, or u were irritated at wat an emotional wreck my character is, just say it, don't worry, I"m thick-skinned enough for anything u are about to say" I encouraged.

I was very proud of my work,
and was very sure that whatever came out would be good.

My smile became brighter.

He squirmed.

"Nothing."

!!!!!

My smile freezed
and I had an Ally McBeal moment
where a sudden image of my smile literally freezing and shattering crossed my mind.

So much for being proud of my literary prowess.
So much for sparing a thought for his feelings.
So mush for "one good turn deserves another"

Hello?

Dear boy, here's ur first lesson on the opposite sex.

never EVER take wat a girl says at face value.

NEVER.

Thoughts...
thoughts........

so many thoughts going thru my head.

Disjointed,
sad,
ugly thoughts.

Thoughts I don't want to be entertaining.

Too many thoughts.

I'm tired.
Exhausted.

And Jas,
U ask me why I shut myself out from the level of awareness everytime training is over?
Haha~

I don't need the level of awareness tt training gives me in my daily life,
I've got enough thoughts and feelings bothering me without it,
if I practice wat I learn,

I'll suffocate.

Ok brain,
now's the time to
distort,
delete
and conjure.

And now,
is definitely the time to put my overworked brain to sleep.
It's had a long day,

no, I have had an extremely long day.

Tomorrow's a public holiday.
I shall work out my experience 2ml.

Yes I shall....

Me,"would u like a taste of my fist?I will gladly shove it down ur throat."

*smiles*

The idiot slanted a sideways glance at me.

Thoroughly enjoying it, I continued,

"Or would u prefer me to re-arrange ur face?"

Without missing a beat,

"No thank u, I scared later too handsome."

I was stunned.
I burst out laughing.
I told him tt it was brillient.
I told him tt I will put in in my blog.

"U do just that" he said, straight-faced.

Well, well, well,I guess eloquence and wit runs in the family.

*grins*

Speaking of eloquence and wit,
I was torn between indulging in eye candy,
and paying attention to something tt is more solemn and appropriate for my ancient age.

Hmm...it's like sense vs. sensibility.

And ironically,
I actually derived equal pleasure from both channels.
Albeit of a different sort.

Let's call it...Channel Alphabet,
channel alphabet was airing an interview with one of my fave men as guest.
It was damn hilarious.
And he's freaking charming to boot.

Then on Channel Numbers was sth of a more serious nature.
There were interviews too.

Interviewer, "So, was victory sth tt u had expected?"

Interviewee, "Eh, I'd like to thank my supporters, cos without them, it wld be impossible. In the following years I will put my plans to improve......"

*raises an eyebrow*

Now wasn't tt just as entertaining?

tt coming from a leader who is supposedly very educated and intelligent.

I could almost hear my primary school teacher lecturing my class on the appalling way we attempt our comprehension questions,
U know those dreaded primary school papers
where there's an endless passage tt inevitably put us to sleep?
followed by questions tt are so unfairly challenging to our bright young minds?

Anyway,
I cld almost hear her say,
in the shrill, sharp voice that all primary school teachers seemed to possess

"How many times must I repeat this?
READ the question.
READ THE QUESTION!!!
Understand what they want then answer it!
If I ask u, have u eaten ur lunch?
U answer yes or no.
Don't tell me the katong laksa is good, or the western food in the kopitiam is very delicious.
I only want to know if u have eaten.
Don't gimmi all the extra rubbish!!"

*sighs and nods head in sympathetic understanding*

I know, I know,
diplomacy, humility and the likes,
but hello?

Tt borders on stupidity can?
*laughs out loud*
So much for tact.

Belatedly,
I am wondering how many viewers actually noticed tt.
And mind u,
it's not the 1st time someone from the group made such a blunder.
As far as I remember,
whenever someone was questioned about a specific thing,
he/she invariably misses the point.

Belatedly,
I am also wondering how wise it is to grant authority to someone who doesn't even understand the gist of a simple question.

If he/she can't even grasp the point in a straightforward question,
can he/she actually understand problems,
the demands of his/her people,
which is defintiely more complex?

I mean,
if negligence and recklessness can be blown up to become a glaring lack of integrity,
I don't understand why foolish acts such as these are allowed to go without censure.

*shrugs*

Oh well,
then again, even though I'm decidedly old.

I'm not THAT ancient yet.

So thankfully I do not need the "guts to do da right thiiiing"
nor more fine lines to add to those that I've been told tt I haf,
(much to my dismay, by my little fren)
by thinking so much abt sth that I do not haf to consider yet,
at least for the next 5 or so years.

and so,
until then,
I shall just sit back,
and keep myself entertained :)

ai yao tang dang dang~

Haha~

You know how when you were a little kid
and you believed in fairy tales,
that fantasy of what your life would be,

white dress,
prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.

You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith.

Santa Claus,
the Tooth Fairy,
Prince Charming,
they were so close you could taste them,

but eventually you grow up,
one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.

Most people turn to the things and people they can trust.
But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope,
of faith,
that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

At the end of the day
faith is a funny thing.

It turns up when you don't really expect it.

Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed.

The castle,
well, it may not be a castle.
And its not so important happy ever after,
just that its happy right now.

See once in a while,
once in a blue moon,
people will surprise you ,

and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

I'm suffering from serious withdrawal syndrone.

I can't believe I'm desperately scouring U tube
and the web for anything related to Grey's anatomy like a,
a, a,
like some kind of drug addict.

My Tuesday's felt seriously weird,
like I've sth missing from the previous day.

Ask my colleagues,
I'm like the living dead.

Seriously,
thank goodness it was Pretty Woman on ch 5 last night.

Had it been some other shows,
I'm pretty sure today wld be even more wretched.

Oh my god...and check this out.
I'm so starved for Grey's Anatomy that I'm even watching this.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4BG1LL92Jk

I don't understand why
pple can complain about the fault in others but be so blind about their own.

I don't understand why
some pple can say one thing and do another

I don't understand why
good things never last

I don't understand why
when pple want the same things,
they can end up doing things that pushes one another further away.

I guess sometimes
wanting something to happen
and having the courage to face it
and making it actually happen
is just too entirely different.

Or maybe,
just maybe,
pple just say sth, even sth hurtful,
just so that the other will go all out to try to achieve it,
and in doing so,
gain some perverse satisfaction in thwarting them.

I guess we are all born natural judges.

We judge others,
condemn others,
decide on the verdict
before even weighing our own guilt.

Maybe we are just lacking in courage.

A whole damn lot.

Blaming others is just a convenient way to exonerate oneself.
Similarly, adopting that method is just a dsplay of an apparent lack in courage.

I think it is sad,
when someone actually says sth,
wakes the other party up,
galvanises her to actually cast aside past reservations and re-evaluate her actions
forces her to summon the last vestiges of her courage and try to undo the past

and yet when she does that,
he, or in this case, they,
do not know,
nor do they have the courage to accept that,
look past the past
and move on.

If I compromise, will u accomodate?

If the answer is no,
then freaking hell,

Don't judge me.

U do not have the right.