Been rather busy lately. Freakin exhausted too.

It seems like I've also been attacked by the "dao mei gui" from my date with a vampire. haha.
(humourless laugh mind u!)

Hell, even my friends are going thru bad patches.

One of them just lost the job opening she was so looking forward to.
Another is mending a rocky relationship and a chipped heart.
Another one is caught in between priciples and practicality.

etc.etc.

Shitty things have been happenin one after another at work.

Post-dated cheques banked in,
Missing cheques, chques that are not supposed to be banked in, are cleared,
Wrong account,
Cheque almost fed to the paper shredder,
Someone being fired, meanin more responsibility for me.

I'm sneezing myself into a fit right now,
My fingers hurt from guitar class (ok, that's not counted. I enjoyed that : ) )

As if things weren't bad enuf, I fell down the stairs two days ago.

Will someone please take a hammer to my back?

*Bleah

Juz visited my girlfren's blog, and I almost cried.
I hadn't realised tt she was that shaken, that affected. All the while I thot it was juz a stupid crush.
All the while I juz wrapped myself in the warm cocoon that my friends gave and neglected this very important person.

I wasn't there when she needed support.
I didn't even ask her if she wanted to talk.
Heck, I didn't even talk to her on Wed when we met up.

I juz assumed she was alright.

Should have known better.

I guess she grew up. She never was like that. She always was the spontaneous one, free with her feelings.
Cry when she's sad, rip ur head off when she's angry.
Should have sensed something when she simply refused to talk.

"It's not that I don't trust u. I don't trust myself"

Hello? Warning bells!!!!!

stupid stupid stupid stupid.
selfish selfish selfish selfish.

I'm very beat right now, thoughts are disorganised, messed up, I guess I juz wanted to say sorry.

U know my dear, sometimes, u might think tt sharing ur troubles makes no difference, only more confusion.

I tell u, it does.
It really does make a difference.
I assure u, althoh it's very irritating when friends start over-reacting and fuss over u, when there's no need to, there's a sense of comfort in that care and concern.
Althoh u might want to tear alot of people's hair out at one time or another bcos they are really over-reacting, there's a certain grim humour that u can hold onto in the situation.

If u can't trust urself, entrust urself to the care of ur friends.
They will try their damndest to do, say stupid, or clever things and make u feel hell lot better.

Cry if u need to.

But if there's no sadness whatsoever, juz that niggling something u can't identify, then laugh.

Find the humour in shitty situations.
Trust me, there's always something funny to laugh at, no matter how bad the situation may seem.
Laugh, and then get over it.

Take it out to examine a few days later, then laugh somemore.

If u can't find a way to unlock that dam of tears, I'll break it for u.
If u can't find anything funny to laugh at, let us dissect it and find together.

Wateva it is, just call me if u need to talk.
Heck lah, I'll call u.

The lure of the magical....

A few years ago, I was laughing at my friends who were so crazed about Harry Potter. I even called a few people childish (I think), for lugging the bloody thick book ard, on top of the super heavy schoolbags that we have on.

How ironic.

After last night,I officially declare myself a fair Harry Potter fan now!

Well, actually I've already been since the sorceror's stone. Wat I meant was, I did not do a matrix thing from my office to Cineleisure in 10 min in vain!!!!

The lure of Harry Potter lies in the exploration of possibilities, in a way, allowing us the indulgence of returning to kiddy times, where we knew nothing about reality, about the boundaries between fantasy and truth. What we think is possible, is possible. And for that period of time that we are in the theatre, we are allowed that, we are given the gift of seeing what the world could be like if there were no such things as limitations.

Dissidents argue that Goblet of Fire did not do justice to the original book though. Well, I guess all I hafta say is, go into it with an open mind then. Of cos there's a difference between reading a book and watching a film. I'm no film studies student, but please loh!

Common sense.

When u read a book, it is ur mind acting as director, producer and actor. Ur mind conjures up images that caters to ur whims and fancies. Boundless varieties of interpretations. When a film is produced thoh, u watch the interpretations of the director and producers, and the other pains in the asses's interpretations, which may not be to ur liking.

: )

Speaking of pains in the asses, seriously, must Cedric die?

: (

*shakes head
He was such a nice boy. Or like how a fren of mine wld say, hamsum boy. I thought he wld like go over to the dark side and explode Harry or sth at the part when they were both running for the goblet.

I mean, all hamsum guys in shows are baddies wat!

But he didn't : )

I also like the way alot of things are not said, alot of things done very overtly subtle. Little little things that trigger thoughts in minds, little little parts left hanging with alot of tension,

like when Hermione-oh- my- god- I- can't- believe- we- are- both humans-How- unfair blew up at Ron.
Tsk Tsk~Wat an idiot.

The way Cho said "sorry" to Harry

The way Harry deliberated between saving Cedric and running to the goblet.

I was devastated when Cedric died. I really really thot that Dum-o-door cld revive Cedric.
How disappointing!!!
But I guess, it's meant to be this way. The choices we make out of goodwill may not be the right choices afterall. But we learn, sometimes, the lessons are painful, but it has to be, in order to be remembered.

Well, Good luck Valdermot (or howeva it is s'posed to be spelt!)!!!!

May the force be with you!

Oops~wrong show :p

knnccbfff fren says:
i would think u are damn special

I love my knnccbfff fren. Always knows how to make someone feel beta : )

knnccbfff fren says:
act i think if things DO somehow work out between us
knnccbfff fren says:
i might not want a rship
me:
Hmm...I think so too
knnccbfff fren says:
U too? maybe we'll get married on the same day
Me:
I think we'll run away on our wedding day together
knnccbfff fren:
Then I'll elope with u. Ur my eventual soulmate afterall!!!

(Msn conversation on mon)

Yes yes, lets elope on our wedding day together.

Hahahaha~ Crap sia!!!!But juz to let u know, I enjoyed every single crapping moment wit u.
From the bottom of my heart!!Somba!

Finding humour in shitty situations......

I think I do it fairly well. But then again, I've been having lotsa practice lately.

Juz yesterday, I laughed my day away, while my fellow fren cursed hers away.
And today, I found myself laughing away again, when I should haf been crying my eyes out.

In the office, in the toilet, at MacDonald's, in the train, even on my way home, shaking my head as I tried to smother my laughter.

Apparently, I've been found out!!!
*gasp! * eyes wide open!

Well, wat can I say? I haven't been exactly discreet have I? Or maybe u're juz extremely sensitive.

So? There u have it. I admit it. That yes,

I had a crush on u.
A medium sized one at that!

There were things I wanted to talk it out on msn with u. Hell, there were things I wanted to scream at u!!!!
And there were times I wanted to

Punch u!!!!
Kick u!!!!
Throttle u!!!!
Bite u!!!!
Pinch u!!!!
Whack u up down left right with my guitar!!!
Stuff my shutter cock into ur nostrils so that feathers stick out and ppl think u are a freak for having long and thick and white nose hair!!!!!

Especially when I received that freakin forwarded sms from u!
Especially now, when I don't get to rant at u!
Especially now when u so conveniently went to bed, while I had to vent these on my blog, and let everyone witness my plight.

Arghhhh!!!!

I think I'm feeling better now : )

Yes, smart, handsome swimming coach, I'm tokin to you, in case u haven't noticed. But I believe ur smarter than that. I've never been good at subtleties anyway.

*shrugs

So yup, everything's out in the open now, and I feel so very much relieved, at least there will be no more speculations. I don't know how u normally deal with such complications, but this is the way I deal with them. No matter which end I'm on, I prefer to thrash things out.

If u can look past the fact that I was once infatuated with u, then fine, we'll find a way to move on, and have a good laugh over it.

If not, then, well, goodbye and goodnight.

Meanwhile, I'll take a lesson from my signaller friend : )

Sometimes I really wonder if my girlfriend is a bloody psychic.
Sometimes, I really wish that I were more like her, having the ability to tell the future.

On Wed, my girlfren asked me this qn on msn,

"So, r u looking forward more to fri or sat?"

I answered without hestitation

"Sunday"

Of which she responded equally without hesitation

"I didn't give u that option"

And today, I get more and more convinced that she really really could tell the future.

Especially so each time I reach into my beach bag to retrieve either my wallet or hp,and my fingers inevitably brushed against

1) My towel
2) My extra set of clothes
3) My shower necessities
4) My sunblock
5) My aloe vera gel

Especially so when I woke up super early this mornin to make my way down to harbourfront, in anticipation of a splendid day spent on the beach.

And ended up spending a splendid mornin at MacDonald's there. I guess it couldn't be described any better than the way my fellow comrade puts it

"We are eating breakfast at MacDonald's here at Harbourfront. I wonder why. I seem to recall that there's MacDonald's in my neighbourhood as well"

Especially so when I called up the organiser upon arrival only to hear her say, "I'm not going. I'm not feeling well"
Especially when I took the courtesy to inform her 1/2 an hr ago that we are going to be late.

Especially so when I found out that there's noone else who actually woke up as bright and early as us.

Especially when I spent the day walking from Harbourfront to Cantonment Towers, to Tanjong Pagar, before making my way to Raffles City, and eventually to the riverside by the esplanade, before heading hm from there.

So!
Did I see the sun?
Sea?
And sand?

I guess I did.

At Citilink : )

The Exorcism of Emily Rose


Possession takes place at 3am.....
Inversion of the time of Christ death at 3pm....
1,2,3,4,5,6.....
names....

Gives me the shivers. To be honest, the fear factor doesn't lie in the effects, althoh I wouldn't know, since I watched the entire movie thru the opaque veil of my shawl. *Shrugs. Anyway, as I was saying, it is scary, bcos it plays on ur imagination. It is scary because of the implications.

And it is freaking irritating to hear lil girls exclaiming,

"It's not scary loh!Not scary at all loh!I almost fell asleep!"

Excuse me, sista, pardon me if I'm wrong, but

Why the hell were u screaming away then?
Why the hell were u watching it thru the spaces of ur ten miserable fingers then?

*rolls eyes. Little girls, please, at least attempt to grow a brain. It is not ur fault tt u were born with a deficiency, but u are definitely in the wrong for irritating the hell outta pple with tt!!!!!!

Anyway, I was distracted, as I was saying, it is one of the scariest movies I've seen in my short 19 yrs of life. It scared the hell outta me bcos,

1. It is based on a true story.

Demons do exist. That alone scared the shit out of me. Moreover, there were references made to the bible (not that I'm a christian) but the fact that there were references, gave it credibility. I've always believed that good and evil exist to maintain a balance. There is a god, and so, there must be a devil. And becos they exist, there exist a balance, and there's this tacit agreement that neither were to cross the line to our realm. No interference. That is how peace can be retained. But then, here, evil did cross the line. There must be a reason why this peace was broken after such a long time.

So, something must have happened.

And it scares me, bcos, suddenly I feel how small, how insignificant, how helpless humans are. We are merely pawns in this much bigger game that is beyond our control. My overactive imagination stubbornly believes that there is a big fall-out between the devil himself and god. Bcos maybe the devil was asking for more allowances, maybe he asked to pay less protection fees or something, and god refused, and so, he chose to take it out on something that matters to God. And god, to keep his ground, refused to budge. I mean, if He gives in this once, then who's to say that the devil will not push his limits?

"They say that God is dead. But how can he, when the devil is very much alive?"

God is not dead, they are jus engaged in this battle of wills. The devil takes it out on "soft targets" and God did not stop him becos He wanted to expose his presence, leaving him in a lose lose situation? Maybe the exorcism did not fail bcos of the drug, it failed bcos God did not allow it. Bcos there was a bigger plan out there.

It is these implications that scares me. It wasn't the visuals, it's the freaking implications. So, if ur a Christian, and u haf a weak heart, please, do urself a favour and do not pay money to scare urself. I'm beginning to feel the beginnings of fear again as I'm writting this so I shall move on to the next point.

2. The way the movie was shot was impressive.

I like it that the movie started off with the trial and the story of emily rose was weaved into the movie as the trial unfolds. Not only was it a horror movie, it illustrates the thin line between truth and appearances. The court apparently believes the story, but they refused to acknowledge its credibility, thus pronouncing the priest guilty, and yet giving him only "time served". It speaks of the sensitivity of the courts. The superficiality. I mean, u r a law court, u shd be tokin justice, but ur merely concerned with appearances, with how the catholic community would be seen. It disgusts me that as a court of Law, u rule by pressure.

3. Wat more do I need to say? I'm still feeling the after effects.

This is one heck of a horror movie.

Even so, I can't help wondering if this whole thing was juz created by the Catholic community to raise interest in the faith.

But well, who am I to say anything? Juz my opinions. I respect all religions : )

Got an sms awhile ago, duno what to say. I'm sad, but well, I'm happy for U.
And that's what friends are for.

" I don't know anything about those things
I almost don't wanna know anything about those things
And I don't care anything about those things
Cause if I did you know I'd share myself on those things

And I'll be here all night, I'll pick up the pieces and
I put them back together now
They may not seem to be the right way but that's ok
As long as they are all the same

I wish you well, well, then you get better
And I know you'll find that it's a wild world
But that's ok, cos ur a wild girl
And if you'd noticed well would u haf thrown the towel in?

I don't believe that things could get any worse than they did that time
U muz haf seen it I mean how could we get lost running in a straight line?
Ur cries of whys and why nots,
May it all get back to you
And trickle and dance upon ur headaches
Years of biting cheeks are thru "

-running, Jason Mraz

For you, all the best and I will miss you when u r gone : )

P.S I get the distinct feeling this song is actually quite sarcastic and Mraz is actually mocking the girl in question,

BUT!!!!

Please!!!I wasn't mocking U!!!!This excerpt, I feel is really U. Be happy.

A friend and I had a heated argument over the phone awhile ago. This was the reason. I took this excerpt from her blog, and she took this excerpt from another friend's blog. And well, we juz see things differently.

*shrugs

While her infidel husband drafted a divorce agreement as compensation, the only condition that she would agree upon, is for him to carry her out of this marriage, the way he carried her when they were married...

So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her,"It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment,"Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said,"Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said,"Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy." I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door.

I said to her,"Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead,"You got no fever."She said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew." I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce my wife. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote,

"I'll carry you out every morning until we are old"

Are you touched by the man's gesture?

She wasn't touched. She was seriously pissed off. By the unfairness that women faced. By the double standards that was imposed.

"Had the role been reversed, would u think the woman sweet? Or cheap?" She asked.

Would I think her promiscuous?

Probably. But I think I would see her as confused.

I think people do get confused, especially when the initial chemistry fizzle out. Physical intimacy is juz as important as emotional connection to me.

Well, maybe I'm juz a touchy person
*shrugs

I mean, when two ppl r together for too long a time, this thing seeps into them and they start to take each other for granted. They begin to stop paying attention to the other party.

Because there's this assurance that they will always be there, there's no longer a need to give so much, to do so much.

In a sense, it's is juz like, over confidence. The insecurity goes away, and hence, the motivation for romance disappears as well.

They fall into this stage called unconscious dependency, they begin to see it as a routine. As mundane. It is only when they are finally faced with the dire situation that they wake up.

True, the double standards exist. I wouldn't be that impressed if it were the woman taking the wrong path, temporarily.

"The woman is stupid. Would u forgive someone who cheated on you?"She asked

That stumped me. I don't know, I really don't know.

But what I know is that I really admired what the woman did.

Is that stupidity?
I see it as courage. Can you imagine what she put on the line?

How high her stakes were?

How she was feeling inside?

As a woman, with the knowledge that the man you loved has touched other women, would you let him touch you?

I know I wouldn't.

I wouldn't even want to share the air that he breathes.

But she actually made him carry her. Carry her. For such a long distance. Can you imagine the hell she went thru? I refuse to believe that any woman can be that stupid.

Call me naive. Call me stupid. Call me an idealist.

But I sincerely believe that there must be something, deep down inside, there must be something that tells her that all this is worth it. The knowledge that all these pain is for a cause. That she risked it all.

So no, I do not think that she is stupid.

I think women are made of sterner stuff. We do not fall prey to these distractions.

Why do double standards exist?

That is why double standards exist. Because you know, and I know, and she knows, and he knows, and we know and they know and everybody knows that women are made of sterner stuff. And that is why we are so harsh to women who make the mistake of straying.

These rules, this stereotyping is not enforced on us by men.

How could you think that it is!!!!!!!How can you even believe that women are that meek to fall all over themselves to meet these expectations of men? To fit into these stereotypes?

Excuse me, u speak of unfairness.
U speak of biasness.
Of inequality.

Who is the one thinking lesser of women now?

This double standard is set up by women ourselves. We are harsh on these deformities. Yes i repeat, deformities. These flaws,especially when women are the ones having them, because, we are not supposed to.

Because, we are supposed to be better than that.

And that is the real inequality between men and women.

The men are just too stupid to get it : )

"I'm not giving u hope. I'm hoping for you."

That's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a long long time. Awww.....I cld melt right here and now.
I appreciate that : )


Nevermind the context : P
In fact, I've been trying to ignore it.

I was horrified. I am still horrified. Today, I found out that one of my fave blogger actually closed down her blog. Fionieeeeee~Why!!!!I love ur blog!!!!(ok, like as if she will know how much I liked it)

Just last night I was chatting with a sweet fren on msn, telling her tt I'm entertaining thots of starting another blog. And this time, it will be annonymous. No pics, no names. Just my most honest, intimate thoughts (as horrifying as it may sound). It is simply too tiring to care, to bother about wat others think. I mean, there is no such thing as only one side to a person. There is the quietly pensive side, the emotionally unstable side, the insanely wacky side, ridiculously angry side, and the only way for people to actually give in to all these impulses freely,

is to remain annonymous.

Someone pointed out to me yesterday that the way I write seemed different from the way I used to. She said that she enjoyed reading my archives alot more.

Unfortunately, I agree as well.

I think, as more and more pple get to know of my blog, it puts me under tremendous pressure, and I cave. I am no longer true to myself. No, I think I prefer the way my sweet fren put it "selectively hypocritical". No, maybe I prefer the way I put it "wonderfully subtle". hahaha~look who's full of shit? Certainly NOT the one poking his teddy bear. wahahaha~

k serious serious.

I think sometimes, people juz don't know wat it means to be satisfied. Wants, unlimited desires, greed, the motivation to capitalism. But then again, a worthy motivation indeed.

Then again,

Why are we motivated by greed?
Why are we motivated by the seven deadly sins in the first place?

Anyway, I strayed, my topic tonight is "blogging"

A typical blogger goes thru this phase:

Annonymity- where she writes as and when she wants, where inspiration overflows bcos she knows no boundaries. Annonymity wat, wat's there to lose?

But then, sad to say, such joy never last. Soon, she blog surfs, sees many other blogs, listens to many others tok abt their precious blogs.

And she loses the courage to stand firm. She too, craves such recognition. Like

"What the hell!He/She can't even write properly loH!!!Might as well read my blog can!"

And she tells. Bcos deep down, she is still human. And when she receives compliments, abt wat a gr8 job she does with her blog, her ego starts working up, and she tells some more.

Then, one bright and sunny day, she suddenly recalls tt pple know abt this blog of hers, and she realises the potential it has to be a "messenger" to tell ppl things she doesn't dare to say to them face to face.

She uses it as such.And she began to see how useful a blog cld actually be.
And she tells somemore.

Eventually, she tells and she tells and she tells, and falls deeper into this vicious cycle.

Until one day, she wakes up and realise the pressure tt she is carrying on her frail shoulders.......

Then, she starts craving for the annonymity she has right from the beginning.
It's a vicious cycle every serious blogger goes thru.

*sighs dramatically

Or maybe, it's juz me.

argh!!!!Shakes the goldfish bowl violently, reminiscent of the terror-girl in, "finding nemo".

"Eh!You stink eh!Never bathe the whole day is it?" I asked my brother, irritated.

"Wat!It's bcos I'm healthy loh!" came his reply.

Full of shit.

Boys who stink are full of shit.
Boys who are 14 yrs old are full of shit.

Boys in general are full of shit.

Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love...But mostly you're looking for fun.You could get serious with the right person.For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

What's" Your Ideal Relationship?

I was out with my girlfriend last night. Seemed like I've been seeing her very frequently, and yet, it seemed like I've not been seeing her enuf. Maybe it's bcos, for once in my life, we are actually on different tracks. Maybe I'm too used to having her with me, secondary school, jc, even pri sch. It's a long history.

We caught a movie, afterwhich we did what we always enjoyed doing,

We sat down at a few stupid places and talked.

And last night, they happened to be at a bench in the bus interchange; in front of the traffic light; and then at a coffee shop.

She called me a huai nu ren (bad woman in chinese).

I know, there are some things tt I shd not have done. I know there are some pple tt I shd haf spared more thoughts for. I am sorry, I really am, if I've done or said things to hurt anyone unwittingly. But I guess, these apologies are for nought, bcos, I have this very strong feeling tt I'll still continue to do and say things to hurt certain pple.

I am juz making my first foray into this foreign world. I'm feeling confused, a tad scared, very excited, and i'm running blind. I do not know the rules of this game that I'm playing, neither do i know if it is still only juz a game tt I'm playing. I do not know my eventual objective, I do not even know how high my stakes are gonna be.

It is something new tt I'm going onto, something that I've only juz begun to let myself do. So bear with me, and forgive me, for whatever wrongs that I have committed and whateva wrongs that I know, I will commit in the future.

She knows me best

She really does.It always amazes me, when different friends tell mi different things. I am someone who is very prone to confusion, so to speak, and I'll grasp desperately at whateva straws tt anyone throws to me.

Someone tells me this and I'll go, "OOOOHHHH YAAAA!Why didn't I think of that?"

Another person tells me sth else, and I'll go, "OOOHHH YAAA!I think this is more true"

A third person tells me yet another thing, and I'll go. "HEYYYY!That's absolutely right!"

But when she tells me sth, it makes me go, "Hmmm....I think......" and it makes me think.

I think often times, pple say things juz to be heard. Often times, the opinions tt pple give are from exp, their own exp, "if it were them in that situation...."that kinda thing. And in doing so, put themselves in the spotlight, make themselves the star, at the expense of ur misery. Make u fret over them, even while ur battling ur own demons.

These people are downright disgusting.

What I'm trying to say is, my friend, I appreciate u (Who says I don't gif pple the appreciation tt they deserve?I appreciate u! i appreciate u! i appreciate u!!). For knowing me so well, and being so honest with me. I think I managed to sort out my thots.

At least, for the moment.

And I hope u do too.

GOOOOOOOOD MORNNNNIIIIIIN~

I mean afternoon.

I sat very still in front of my computer for a long while kneading my aching left arm absently while thinking.
Thinking about what to write,
How to write,

And whether or not,

I should actually,

write.

This is the end product.


On me:

I swam alone in the still of the night
Beyond murky waters,
Beyond familiar shores,

I choke,
I struggle,
I swim

I choke,
I struggle,
I scream

You reached out for me,
and I,

reaching out for you,

Sank.


On my nature:

In the embrace of the currents, I frolicked
In the embrace of the currents, I drifted
In the embrace of the currents, I lose my way

And in the embrace of the currents,
I lost you.

This is bad.
By far the worst stuff I've written.

Seemed to be at a loss for words recently.
So just tossed random words together, see how it turns out.

The words that I'm searching for just seemed to be playing an endless game of hide-and seek with me.

Or maybe, I just don't know what are the words that I'm looking for, anymore.

*crosses fingers
I hope it's just a simple case of mental-block

Thursday at Wild Wild Wet

Spent the day with my 2 best-of-the-bestest galpal in the entire solar system!!!Hoho~Anyway, it was a day of revelation for me, that Thursday. I realised, to my horror, what my real pet phrase was.

Brace urself, everyone. It is

"I think that looks very scary"

The Samsung slide-up:

*Gasp "That is freaking scary!"

That is forgivable, cos that really is freaking horrifying. I juz kept screaming and screaming and screaming until the station fascilitor recognised me as

the screamer

He even recognised me when I went to another ride. And wat luck for him to fascilitate that as well.

"This time, scream into the camera yah?" he said to me. Um-chioing somemore.Bloody hell.
I hope u tio lai xiong loh!!! Anyway, next, we went to the slide that some kids-under-12 were queuing up for

"That looks quite scary"

Even the sky rider:

"ehh...I think that looks quite scary actually"

Wat the hell!The next thing I know, I would be screaming my head off at the KFC chicken tt we had for dinner!

"ARGHHH!!!!!FRIED CHICKEN!!!!FREAKING SCARY!!!"

Argh!!!Grow some balls girl!!!
*sheepishly
I mean, grow some gut.

Well well well, wat do we have here? 3 silly dilly girls out to have fun!!

All I wanna do, is have some fun
I got a feeling, I'm not the only one
All I wanna do, is have some fun
Even when the sun goes down over Santa Monica Boulevard

The rides at WWW. I'd say they are not tt bad. Oh yeah, u wanna now what's that gr8 abt WWW?

THIS is wat's FANTA-BULOUS abt WWW!!!The extremely HOT lifeguard! His name is SEAN btw(ok,ok, tt's wat we wld like him to be called)He is so damn cute!!Look at his smile!!SO DAZZLING!!! I think I may be going blind. Oh wait, lemmi put on my shades 1st.

I actually noticed him at our 1st ride (yes, I knoe, i haf an incredibly sharp radar when it comes to such things). I was gushing gushing and stealing glances at him already. Then, on the second ride, which was a long purple covered slide, he actually talked to me.

that hottie actually talked to me

I almost died right there on the spot. He rendered me speechless and my brain juz suddenly ceased to function.

He was the fascilitor for that ride, and while I was sitting there, waiting for my turn (and trying desperately to appear nonchalent) he turned to me and said

"ur first time here?"

"yes"

"Mus cover properly, will drop" and he made a cross with his two arms across his chest.

!!!*diao~ oooookkkkayyyyy

After that, I tried my damnest to put him out of my mind.Juz when I was abt to succeed, I bumped into him again!He was at our last ride, and he played a prank on us.

"everyone mus stand up together or else the float will tip"

Believing him, we all stood up together, and ahhh!!!He shook the float and we all fell flat on our butts.There was no going back after that. My gal and I juz HAVE to have a pic taken with him. And tada~we did!!!

And I uttered my favourite phrase again

"But I scared...."

................

Dew!!!Smile for mi gorgeous!!!
Ok!ok!I managed to get into the tube!!Faster snap b4 I float away!
Wacky girls playing in baby pool. haha~I guess we juz can't find a way to let go of the child in us.

Hold ur breaths!Brace urself for BAYWATCH, wild wild wet style!Hahahahaha~


I AM SO SHAMELESS

Tuesday at Settlers

Been spending alot of time with my girlfriends recently. Looking at them now, being with them now, is a tad different than when we were all in school. I guess it's a transition all of us have to get used to *shrugs. Previously, I remembered feeling kinda left behind when I decided to take my well-deserved break. I guess I was feeling exactly what the poet of "the road less taken" was trying to express.

But well, I'm proud to say that, I am SO over that stage!Been over it for quite awhile already, for that matter.
*claps spastically

A friend commented to me at the end of the day that she was very happy to be able to meet up, then she said something along the lines of cherishing the time tt we have now, cos she's not certain tt things will remain as rosy come next yr.

"Eh!Don't drink anything 1st!Take pic 1st!"- ordered my bossy leo fren. Fussy leh u!!Happy now?all the drinks almost same water level somemore!
Jenga extreme!ARGHHH!!!!I dunno bt u, but i think mu is looking more n more fab these days!Look at her man!Woohoo~guys, want her no, better bootlick mi hoh!muahaha~

Careful, careful....anyway, the jenga was stacked up pretty high. Unfortunately, it eventually ended when I accidentally knocked against the table. OOps~the accident jinx does it again!!

Pictionary!!!The game tt introduced mi to the world's lousiest "drawer"!!Wat the hell man!

Settlers!!!Settle bill!Well, it was expensive. VERY expensive!But well, I'd say money well-spent. (that's the way girl, keep telling urself tt, and one day, u'll believe in it WHOLEHEARTEDLY, yes, yes, i believe.....)

Dinner at Chinatown!Time to go budget man!After the day at settlers
Alrighty!!Found someone to share the pounds with!Wat r friends for if they rn't willing to grow fat with u?

This is my achievement of the day. Can't say how proud i am of this EXTRAORDINARY talent of mine!!!!Tying a the cherry stalk into a knot with my tongue!Woohoo~U rock, bitch!!wahaha~

To this friend, I just wanna say that I really do believe that, somethings real and genuine will stand the test of time. Even thoh we may not have the luxury of meeting up as frequently as we like, some things will never change.

Well, at least I know my feelings about this friendship won't. I promise u.

*Som-ba!

In case pple are wondering what I've been up to recently (or rather, doubting tt i DO have a social life, muahaha~), here are pics to give u a glimpse of wat I've been occupying myself lately with : )

CCI challenge 2:
On the way hm...
See the SUPER vain guy to the left? Muahahaha~ OOps!Caught by the paparrazzi!!There is ABSOLUTELY nothing going on. I swear!!!
The outcast. Need I say more? HAHA~
Weee~We are elephants!!ok, I apologise tt the pic is dom-ba-leh!I still cannot figure out how to turn it back!

This is one freaking challenge. Find wat bloody bridge on the map. Excuse mi!I've returned my geography to my teacher already can!!!
Team genius!!Smile for the camera!
Haha~See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil. That doesn't seem to be the case for these three thoh.....

We missed the bus here. But we're still freaking happy!!(Or trying to be!or else very paiseh leh!!!)
Siloso beach!!!Our final destination unveiled!!!(Oh please,insult our intelligence can!!!)
3 bloody old guys acting cute!!!woohoo~lol. But they are incredibly adorable, r they not? (Girls, I haf their no.s juz contact mi yah?Juz so u noe, the chubby one is taken btw )
whoa~~~~Our incredibly seh bumblebees!Hurry up lah!!No wonder we lost sia!!!
Everyone should know tt I'm impossibly proud of my huge nostrils. Here's a pic to celebrate tt! A toast to more oxygen in my system!!
Whiny me in action. Whining about anything and everything. My god. No wonder ppl ecall mi Whiny***** in Jc.
Ahhh!Five stones~I freaking wanna kill the one who chose that option. I Malu until lau sai loh!
Tau huay!!!shi zi lu kou!Kai shi lo!!!ding dong ding dong~

I think sometimes, one has to quit focusing on the fact that the glass is half-empty. Often times, when u look away from that angle, one'll realise tt the glass is actually half-full.

Wat the hell am I blabbering about?
I don't know. It's kinda late, and I feel kinda drunk.

Althoh water and orange juice are the only things I downed.

okok, I'm beginning to feel as if I'm starting to make a mess out of this blog.
Bear with me. I'm feeling incoherent, yet so stubborn about penning down my disjointed thoughts.

I was reading a friend's blog a few minutes ago and I kinda get the feeling that she's kinda confused, kinda in denial, kinda depressed. I didn't think to comment much but after awhile, some kinda feeling began to seep inside me and I felt this urge to blog.

For awhile, I felt as if I was gliding on rainbow.

The sun seems to be shining brighter, and every step I take, I take it with a bounce.
Every morning I would wake up and cheerily bounced my way around the house and to work,
all the while my mind's working in a frenzy, dreaming up beautiful fantasies and possibilities.
My colleagues are wondering what the hell (or rather, what in heaven) happened to me.
My girlfriends are beginning to think I'm weird, and insufferable.

But well, I was happy (not that I'm not b4, or anymore now. I still am. But it's different)

However blissful it may be, there will come a time when even the most wonderful feelings start to fade away.
And well, it's often the perishable things that are the most beautiful, is it not?

No matter how much u like the rainbow,
no matter how much u enjoy the ride,
the hope,
the dream, it brings
u'll eventually come to the end.

I've reached the end of this rainbow.
There's nothing here.
No pot of gold,
No continuous paths to go on,
Just a sense of completion
a relief that I've come to the end, and

an answer that I've always known all along.

I think, most often than not, we know the answers to alot of things, but we just refuse to acknowledge them.Denial is the most common form of escapism. But then again, don't we all?

Religion, psychology, even friendships, kinships, are all tools in escapism. Escapism from what?

Ourselves?

Because we don't believe enough in ourselves, hence we choose to believe in these?

Sorry I strayed.

All I wanted to say was, don't deny anything my friend. It's useless.
Embrace it while it last.
Then celebrate that you once had something to smile over, when it's finally over.

Because miracles never last.

I've been runnin high on taxi luck recently.

I guess I've always enjoyed taking cabs alone, the serenity in the enclosed space, the luxury of the comfort it provides. But recently, I'm beginning to think that there's more to it than that.

I realised that I truly enjoy toking to the cab drivers, and I can really talk to them. There was never a time of silence. It's always filled with companionable chatter and merry laughter.

I could get used to that.

I wonder if that's what it feels like to have a chauffeur.

Today's cabby uncle is 63 yrs old, married, with a wife and two daughters. His head is framed with sparse grey hair and he has a face that is extremely endearing.

We talked about so many things I was surprised: food, driving, work, his family, my family, his passengers, his outlook of life etc.

He shared with me that whenever it comes to coffee breaks, he is always alone, while others cluster in groups.

I asked him why.

"Why force urself to be with pple u cannot click with? They cldn't understand me, and I couldn't understand them. Different point in life. No point lah, I'd rather be alone and enjoy my kopi."

I looked at the cabby uncle while his words sank in.

Damn insightful.

I looked back at my 19 yrs of life and for the duno how many times, I realised yet again, how directionless I am.

For the duno how many times, I realised how I've always just "gone-with-the-flow".

I wasn't even certain which stage in life I'm at, or which are the stages that I've passed.

He asked me what I am doing now. And I told him that I'm currently enjoying the yr off that I took for myself.

Then he asked me what I wanted to do after this "break".

Without thinking, I replied, "study"

Then here comes the all time favourite qn

"Study what?"

!

"Business"

It is always business. I dun even noe why the heck I'm gonna study business next yr.
Honestly, I am not very attracted to the idea of back stabbing pple and breaking up families, sending them to the gallows of bankcruptcy.

I know business doesn't exactly mean that.

But the corporate world is dark and sad.
Ruthless.
Cold.

I watch my friends here in the bank as they struggle with the workload and the meagre rewards, and I'm seriously turned off.

I hate it that superiors are always making away with their subordinates' merits.
I hate it that the competent are always the ones doing the most work.
I hate it that there is no real avenue for grievances to be voiced.

"It's nothing personal, it's business"

Right......

Sometimes, I just wanna remain where I am, right at this stationary point, where nothing matters.

Speaking of "this point", It's friday already.
It's "D-Day"

If u know what I mean. And yup, my prediction is comin true

As always.

One week, tis all.

Your IQ Is 100

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average Your General Knowledge is Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Damn~Am I smart or what?

Haha~seriously, seriously, m i really THAT illogical?

What's the difference between being illogical and stupid anyway?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

haha~i'd say it's quite accurate!

'cept for the cheating part!wat sia!

Challenge the theory, anyone?

*Interested applicants pls e-mail me ur detailed particulars and attach a non-returnable passport sized photo of urself. Smokers, clubbers, druggers, rapists, robbers, liars, axe-murderers, child abusers, wife beaters, dog-kickers, need not apply.

2nd attempt to upload photos!!!
Hmmmp!!!Go go jia you jia you Jia you!!

This better be good....



Final destination! 2 yrs since I stood at the exact same spot, lookin to my left, i can still remember stalin, lenin and whats-his-name, d 3 baby crabs drying out in the sun

Smelly wild boar!I think it looks like an anteater!(whateva it's s'posed to look like, i'm pretty sure it looks like it has a vacuum cleaner for a snout!)

Now look at this man. Like Mr. October sia!
Now look at this man again. The cause of my guilt for the past donno how many days (I caused him to buang )
Evidence that we rode!!Fit fit hoh!
I heard this is the tallest point in ubin!Top of the world!!!!!!

Same place, different pple. 2 yrs ago, had like cup noodles here!Haha~those were the days!!

The bunny was looking a lil jealous when it saw the boar getting all the attention. So this sweet girl decided to gif it a little TLC!How sweet can she get!!!!!

Raven was so nice to find a bike fit for my height! Thanks ah ying jie!For asking uncle for a "kid's" bike!

*I was being sarcastic!!^%$&%&%#