I think,
when pple get older,
thoughts and feelings get complicated.

I think,
when pple get older,
life gets more stressful.

I think,
when pple get older,
they tend to put distance,
and are more apprehensive towards opening up themselves and accepting new friendships.

I think,
as pple mature,
trust becomes an elusive concept
and deception becomes a part of an everyday facade.

I think pple get more and more pathetic as they grow up.

In sociology,
they have this theory of "self presentation"
whereby according to the theory,
pple present themselves,
take on role expectations in order to convince their "audience"
that they are what they want the audience to believe they are.

I was doing that on Sat when I went to my OG gathering.

There was this one time,
on the way home,
probably due to the effects of alcohol,
that I just opened my big mouth and confessed to the person walking beside me
that
I was not looking forward to the gathering at all,
because I was afraid of being left out.

I hated the feeling of being left out.
Probably because it's been so damn long,
I forgot what it exactly feels like.
I just know tt it's a damn horrible feeling.
It makes one wonder and self-question about one's own character.

is there something wrong with me?
what did i do wrong?
why?

She said to me, surprised,
"Is it? I thought u got along very well with them!
U looked like u enjoyed urself"

I felt tonnes better.

Perhaps it is not the being left out part that I detest.
Perhaps it's the "pple-see-me-as-being-left-out" part,
that I truly don't like.

I was merely playing a role.

And it struck me that,
so far,

I've been merely playing a role in uni.

And it struck me that,
often,
educational institutes are the most cruel.